Dimineata de noiembrie...

Dimineata rece de noiembrie... Patul caldut inca pastreaza parfumul noptii incandescende a celor doi... El inca doarme neintors. Ea isi deschide ochii, si il priveste cu nonsanata copilei ce-si incalca inocenta, cu ochii ei mari, blanzi, sclipindu-i sub fluturarea genelor...
Se ridica incet din pat, avand grija sa nu-l trezeasca cu scartaitul pasilor ei pe podea. Leganandu-se pe varfurile picioarelor, isi trase camasa lui peste corpul ei dezgolit de ardoarea si caldura de altadata. Merse incet pana in bucatarie... Mai avea inca scurte frisoane, desi corpul ii confirma ca s-a terminat, intreaga ei fiinta se tesea intr-un labirint de senzatii, ametind-o cu agitatia lor. Lumina toamnei strapungea incaperea, cu toate ca era o lumina obosita, peretii bateau in nuantele frunzelor vestejite. Si-a aprins o tigara. Deschise larg fereastra si lasa tacerea orasului sa o absoarba. Desi totul era un vuiet, ea era de un calm intangibil, atat de distanta ca parea ireala. Mecanic, isi turna zahar in cafea si privi lung pe fereastra...
De la balconul ei, privea lumea cum se lasa inghitita intr-o tacere oarba, cum se abandoneaza intr-o alienare de zgomote si sunete, desi surde si necizelate, armonizate in tacerea Lumii. In camera plutea un aer boem, cu parfum de tigara ce il ademeni pe el sa se scoale din pat...
A intrat in bucatarie tacut si a miscat capul in semn de salut. Ea ii pregatise deja ceasca de cafea cu doua cubulete de zahar si ii facu semn spre ea. A sorbit usor din cafeaua ce i se oferise. O picatura de foc i s-a prelins pe trahee pana in stomac, desclestandu-i plamanii. A ramas intepenit, contempland pierdut picatura razleata de cafea ce ramase pe buza cestii. Dezmortindu-se, incepu simti ca timpul s-a oprit. Avea impresia ca se scurge de undeva din sus, prelung si infinit, mai dens decat cafea lui, ce purta gustul buzelor ei.
-Iti place camasa ? intreba el, sprea a sparge tacerea ce ii injunghea urechile de-acum.
-Mm?... Aaah, camasa. Nu stiu, nu te-am vazut cu ea.
-Ciudat...
-Absolut deloc.
-Nu, nu. Sunt convins ca am purtat-o...
-Aseara in niciun caz.
-Ce tigari ai ?
-Dunhill...
-Negre ?
-Nu... Rosii...
-Mmm... Nu, multumesc. Ar trebui sa ma las.
-Asta ai zis si aseara dupa prima gura de coniac.
-Am baut coniac ?
-Pai... Tu nu mai stii ?
-Nu.
-Ai zis ca esti fotograf... Iti amintesti ?
-Evident. N-am cum sa uit asta.
-Imi place parfumul asta... E cumva... hmm... L'eau d'Issey ?
-Cum ti-ai dat seama ?
-E singurul parfum de barbati care chiar imi place.
-Aha... Deci stiai.
-Se poate spune si asa...
-Si... tu cu ce te ocupi ?
-Sunt studenta... La teatru.
-Aha... Interesant.
A venit in fata lui, nu inainte de a mai privi odata lumina rozalie a diminetii si s-a asezat zgribulita intr-un fotoliu. Tanara blondina era angelica. Lua ziarul si se uita tacuta pe el. El se aseza pe pervazul ferestrei, fumand in tacere. Ii arunca o privire profunda, apoi spuse clar si taios:
-Ceva imi spune, ca daca te apleci putin pe spate, ai toate sansele sa cazi.
El pufai amuzat si ii intoarse privirea.
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Listening to: Clint Mansell - Shellshock
                   Edith Piaf - L'Etranger
                   Edith Piaf - Milord
                   Edith Piaf - L'accordeoniste
                   The Beatles - Girl
                   The Beatles - Norwegian Wood
Drinking: Still water
Mood: None.

Ash

Dedicated to Grima/Masaru-kun.

Another post from the smokes of my past. Soon you'll be bored to death.


Buried in the shadows of past, scratching the white cotton paper. I'm deep drown in the still dark waters, craving for your body. Bloodshot eyes longing for your heavenly embrace. Selfishness...
Kneel me silently... As I touch my neck, I feel your cold hands squeezing my neck... Crush my bones, suck the blood running through my arteries and veins.
Burn my heart with your fire. Breathless, heart racing, I see a sadistic smile rising upon your face.
Pierce my spine with your needles. You strap my arms behind my back with your long silk scarf. Chain me in darkness. Watch me drench in my own blood. 
Feed on my blood, cause it's all I have. The blood of poison and your cold memory.
Whip my face with your icy tears, 'till you won't need to cry. I feel your gaze upon my chest, striking me right in my heart.  It's hard to breathe, it's hard to see, I slip in between the lines. Through the smoke stained images, I can't reach you.
Poison my lungs with your warm deep breath. Saccadic movements. Come to me... Wrap me in your deathly kiss.
I'm useless, Masaru-sama... But I struggle in your fierce scene. I'm just an actor in the play you wrote for our lives. I'm a dancer in your strings.
I took one last drag off of the cigarette I'd be puffing on for the past 10 minutes and flicked it to the ground. It only took a second for the cherry to die out on the rain soaked concrete. Ash... melting in the wet ground. Snowflakes... I wait calm, almost lethargic, tired of playing this kind of role, a role I've played so many times that it just won't attract me in any way now. I do not consider myself a worthy actor, although I came to the same question as one : Who am I ? Which of this white, straight masks is my true self ? In a see of faces and characters, you come to lose yourself. Just that I know my answer, but it won't make any sense without you by my side. I'll sit here calm and wait for you to return.
I watch the pouring rain. I'm alone in this balcony of smoke flavours, away from the world that threw you away, world that I've locked in a coffin and buried it deep in the dark, torture chambers of a lost castle. You are all that defines me, and my world is a mess without you.  A collapse of filth... I walk on the ashes of a cold forgotten winter night.



Slowly I awoke that morning, the night having been spent in the peaceful slumber upon sheets of crimson colored velvet. My eyes fluttering open and glancing around the dusty, white morning light lit room, I see a stream of smoke, slowly going up in circles. And what remains is the hot ashes of the wake.
I am the cancer within myself.

Copyright to Jul. :X [Pentru ca e una din putinele persoane pe care le iubesc>:D<]
http://julia629.deviantart.com/

Inspired by Lamb of God - Ashes of the Wake album. :X It's pure genius.
Eating: Cateva galuste cu prune reci pe care am uitat sa le mananc mai devreme.
Drinking: Still Water
Smoking: Nothing. Sugar, dunno:)).
Sorry for my absolutely horrible english>.< .