Ash

Dedicated to Grima/Masaru-kun.

Another post from the smokes of my past. Soon you'll be bored to death.


Buried in the shadows of past, scratching the white cotton paper. I'm deep drown in the still dark waters, craving for your body. Bloodshot eyes longing for your heavenly embrace. Selfishness...
Kneel me silently... As I touch my neck, I feel your cold hands squeezing my neck... Crush my bones, suck the blood running through my arteries and veins.
Burn my heart with your fire. Breathless, heart racing, I see a sadistic smile rising upon your face.
Pierce my spine with your needles. You strap my arms behind my back with your long silk scarf. Chain me in darkness. Watch me drench in my own blood. 
Feed on my blood, cause it's all I have. The blood of poison and your cold memory.
Whip my face with your icy tears, 'till you won't need to cry. I feel your gaze upon my chest, striking me right in my heart.  It's hard to breathe, it's hard to see, I slip in between the lines. Through the smoke stained images, I can't reach you.
Poison my lungs with your warm deep breath. Saccadic movements. Come to me... Wrap me in your deathly kiss.
I'm useless, Masaru-sama... But I struggle in your fierce scene. I'm just an actor in the play you wrote for our lives. I'm a dancer in your strings.
I took one last drag off of the cigarette I'd be puffing on for the past 10 minutes and flicked it to the ground. It only took a second for the cherry to die out on the rain soaked concrete. Ash... melting in the wet ground. Snowflakes... I wait calm, almost lethargic, tired of playing this kind of role, a role I've played so many times that it just won't attract me in any way now. I do not consider myself a worthy actor, although I came to the same question as one : Who am I ? Which of this white, straight masks is my true self ? In a see of faces and characters, you come to lose yourself. Just that I know my answer, but it won't make any sense without you by my side. I'll sit here calm and wait for you to return.
I watch the pouring rain. I'm alone in this balcony of smoke flavours, away from the world that threw you away, world that I've locked in a coffin and buried it deep in the dark, torture chambers of a lost castle. You are all that defines me, and my world is a mess without you.  A collapse of filth... I walk on the ashes of a cold forgotten winter night.



Slowly I awoke that morning, the night having been spent in the peaceful slumber upon sheets of crimson colored velvet. My eyes fluttering open and glancing around the dusty, white morning light lit room, I see a stream of smoke, slowly going up in circles. And what remains is the hot ashes of the wake.
I am the cancer within myself.

Copyright to Jul. :X [Pentru ca e una din putinele persoane pe care le iubesc>:D<]
http://julia629.deviantart.com/

Inspired by Lamb of God - Ashes of the Wake album. :X It's pure genius.
Eating: Cateva galuste cu prune reci pe care am uitat sa le mananc mai devreme.
Drinking: Still Water
Smoking: Nothing. Sugar, dunno:)).
Sorry for my absolutely horrible english>.< .