vineri, 10 septembrie 2010

Smoke me and let me die.

I'm trembling... It's like a crazy tremble and it won't stop. His face finally stopped folowing me... Yet, I need it. After trying to get reed of the filth, of the sadness within my soul, trying to forget every shadow of the past flowing in smoke... I realized I can't. I don't want to. I still need him. I don't need the air filling my lungs like I need his cold, yet warm embrance. I'm shivering... Shivering like the wind... Whispers of dried, dead leaves falling. I am shivering in the shadow of my soul, that couldn't hide me from the world. My room is crashing me between its walls. Steam of hot tea with cherry fragrance... I went out, trying to stop this feeling of misery and pain. The morning dew and rain smell still lingers here. And while I walk on the streets of this dirty world, I am still shaking. The empty masks watch me while I shake like a junkie asking for his dose. I am asking for my dose. My teeth are clattering. Stop messing around with me, with the pieces of my soul. I need the smoke of BlackStone Cherry cigarettes.
- A BlackStone Cherry, please. Long.
Stop this. Why am I still a doll dancing in the strings of darkness? To late... I'm home and I'm lighting my cigarette. I don't need clothes. I am naked and smoke is all I need to clothe me. I need this smoke, taking your form, embracing me with its charred, cherry flavour. But this cigarette is tasteless. It lost the sweet flavour and its just the filthy nicotine rushing in my veins. I won't hide in my long scarf or fluffy blanket. No... I would just stain them with my bloodlust tears. I watch the calm smoke flowing in the air... I see you. I'm dying. I'm falling from this empty grey sky. This grey shaded sky that is almost pure white. Actually was... My glassy, smoke filled eyes can't feel the pure feeling of the morning dew anymore. They're dead, not radiant. I'm falling. And no one will catch me. I watch that shy woulds on my hands... The scars are scratched on my cord. You can cut the strings, yet they'll still hold me. This taste of smoke makes me choke 'till I relax and wait to die. But I won't. Am I scared?... No, I'm falling. I'm falling on the rusty leaves of autumn. Don't look at me. Why would you? While you're struggling for your life, I'm struggling to get away from mine. I will always remember your Marlboro lips and smokey sad grey-brown eyes. Or the way you smiled as you pressed your body against mine. Your body hazy, the outline smudged just like a mirage in the cold, white sun. Transparent lie... Liquid blue rushing through my body.
You were my life... And now you still are the silent silhouette in the fading light, in my fading memory... While the sky darkens like your old letters, a tear streams from my eyes. I digged into my face, creating ditches... So don't worry... It's just the sanity leaving me alone. Breath becomes quicker, with a saccadic rhytm, almost shallow. We were made of smoke. Smoke that billowed from his cigarette and wrapped itself around us, pouring its coldness dust over our lonely bodies. Smoke that kissed his lungs and burned his cheek, smoke that he swallowed whole, gray, whirling smoke. It filled his veins and empty places, like poison... Slowly making him die... A rotten flower, like a cryptorchid. One last smoke... aaaahh... filling my lungs with pain. Is it enough? And tears that come one after another. Sitting in stillnes, hearing a haunting melody... I'm a banshee mourning death. This smoke burns my flesh... Never ending agony, repetance of my sins. I inhale you, and I exhale myself.

There's something cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In a miracle mile

"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself.

Mood: very depressed
Listening: Gustav Mahler - Quartet for Piano and Strings in A Minor
               Richard Wagner
               Evanescence - My Immortal
Drinking: Cherry and Jasmin Sencha [my speciality]
Eating: Blood
Breathing: Imaginary smoke
Fragrance: Davidoff - Cool Waters Woman [ca sa vezi...]
Watching: Old photos which I totally love.
Inspiratie fotografica de ora 10:00
Model: Myself, no make-up, not too many clothes:))
Copyright to Lex
Scuzati-mi mirobolanta engleza. Scris in graba, cu maini tremurande. Nu m-ar mira sa fi scris cele mai mari tampenii. Inspiratie de moment.

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